Before I begin, this is entirely based on my own thoughts and feelings and those of other people I have talked to- so don’t quote me on it!
Skye, I me sister mckee, Ashleigh after I’d been through.
I like to be honest. It’s something that comes easy to me..(also can be bad…think Candor in divergent!! haha) I’m going to share something with you that not many people will admit to- I HAD AN EXTREMELY HARD TIME GOING THROUGH THE TEMPLE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Gasp. Shock. Horror.
Maybe you’re thinking, Oh this girl just wasn’t prepared enough. Only I’d been through Temple Prep. I’d read the books. Id done my praying. I was nervous, but that was expected.
Maybe you’re thinking she mustn’t have a very strong testimony….Well excuuuuse me. Maybe my testimony isn’t rock solid, but it doesn’t have to be.
Or maybe you’re thinking it sounds like she wasn’t worthy …really??
Whatever you’re thinking… I just want to say that although I had no idea how I was going to react, I was able to choose how I would move on from it. And that’s the most important part.
When I went through, the first part was fine. It was so spiritual and I felt peace and calm about the whole thing. That continued into the endowment part….Until things started happening. And then I freaked. Meltdown. I could barely speak. I couldn’t lift my eyes from the floor. I couldn’t believe how I was feeling about what was going on, and I felt guilt and confusion and despair come crushing down on me because of it. I made it through, just. Everyone I knew in the room picked up on it.
Wait a second??? In the temple??? How can one feel anything except the Spirit in the temple?????????????????
Depending on how open people are with you before you go, you’ll have varying degrees of understanding about what takes place. I sorta had an idea, making sacred covenants, dressed in white etc etc. I hadn’t talked to my parents much at all, because they didn’t live close. Some things are so sacred that they aren’t really talked about outside the temple. Don’t worry, you won’t be dancing naked around a burning altar or anything like that. It’s very simple, but so so so much to take in at once. And yes, it is very weird. But after the second time I discovered it’s also interesting and I can feel peace during.
I like to fully understand things, which is one of the reasons I think I struggled. People say don’t try to understand, just feel the Spirit of the place but when it’s something this important my brain says YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY. Which isn’t always possible. Everything is new, and different. Imagine seeing a baptism for the first time ever. I couldn’t relate it to anything familiar at the time. My brain was working overtime. So it broke. Shut down. Emergency stop. And it was messy haha. But the second time, I made connections and related it to what I knew.
People also say It’s weird but you’ll love it ….I say consider yourself blessed and lucky if you straight out loved it your first time. Because sometimes it’s not that simple. And this might help you understand and help those who didn’t have such an easy time. But after the first time, it gets easier because you aren’t going to be sprung with anything completely new and foreign. Don’t feel bad about how you’re feeling. I didn’t understand it, and had read people facebook advice that was all so positive, and here I was feeling like I’d been hit by a bus.
So it’s OK to freak out your first time. Just don’t dwell on it. Have patience with yourself. Don’t do anything rash. And after a couple of days, when the confusion isn’t so strong, make some plans to go back there with a friend or a leader that will be able to answer all the questions you have. Because if you’re anything like me, you’ll have truckloads. And if you’re reading this just before you go for the first time, and find yourself going downhill, just think of it like a coronation 🙂 We are all Princes and Princesses, on our way to being Kings and Queens under our Heavenly Father. And this is like a practice coronation, with heaps of people being coronated!
I hope this has helped at least one person 🙂
Comment below if you have any questions!!